Mormon humor

Last weekend I made my way down to Provo, Utah because I’m in a relationship and that means you do things that you don’t actually want to do. Genny’s company, AtTask, had their annual Christmas party, where the promises of a free dinner, raffle prizes, a drink or two and maybe even a NCMO were enough to convince me to attend.

For those of you unfamiliar with Provo, the town is… unique to say the best. Provo is located ~45 minutes south of Salt Lake City in Utah County, home of BYU and some interesting policies. Although Salt Lake City is predominantly seen as Mormon (LDS) from an outside perspective, Salt Lake honestly has nothing on Utah County. Now, don’t get me wrong, The LDS religion is one of my favorite religions that there is. The people are friendly, welcoming, and (usually) fun to be around. A bit more politically correct than I tend to be, but really just always nicer than most. That being said, as a lab mate of mine put it, if you put enough of one group of people together, whether it be exercise physiologists or just a bunch of Mormons, you’re going to get some pretty unique results which aren’t representative of the individuals themselves. The business Christmas party was a tremendous example of this. 

The night started off with a well-timed execution of our arrival, seamlessly transitioning from a glass of wine to putting our raffle tickets in for some prizes to an actually pretty delicious dinner. We sat with Steve, and his son Chase (both LDS, which will come in to play later). The conversation was pretty great for meeting some strangers, whom I normally don’t do well with, but overall fun people and Chase was one of the only other guys in the entire room of 400 around our age. Then, suddenly and without warning, the evening’s “entertainment” began.

Jayson Hewitt was given a tremendous introduction, highly heralded as a great friend of some schmucskie and a guy the company has been trying to book for years. Lucky for us, this year they snagged him, but the only details we were given was that he was “entertainment.” A bit puzzled by what he actually did, the first thing that Mr. Hewitt said in front of the microphone was “I see a lot of people here who are balding, and a lot of people here who are not balding” to which I immediately turned to Genny and said “Well, at least we found out that he’s not a comedian.”

Oh, how wrong I was.

Mr. Hewitt continued his act, which included songs that he put parodies on by switching a word or two, and/or making them slightly clever with his own spin. He actually had a pretty good singing voice, but his songs weren’t funny. A few songs later with really awkward transitions, he began his stand up comedy routine which may have been the worst stand up I’d ever seen in my life. He preached to the crowd about how having 4 kids was hard (no shit?), and about how being a dad was hard and it makes him tired. He really nailed the point home that he was Mormon too, having jokes about prayer and the Heavenly Father. For 45 minutes.

I didn’t laugh a single time. I don’t think Genny did either. I look at Steve and Chase, and those guys are in tears they’re laughing so hard. In fact, the whole room was laughing (the whole room was mostly LDS), and they were laughing nearly the entire time at things that weren’t funny. Now, I know the humor was targeted towards the middle aged LDS families, but the jokes were still awful. There was no edge to them. Everything was set up so that no one could even take the joke the wrong way, and doing impressions of other singers does not translate to humor.

I returned to lab the following week to talk to my lab mate (Jayson Gifford) about what I had witnessed, to which he said “ Oh, Mormon humor is the worst!”

Take it from both of us, it really is. This was the 2^nd to worst piece of live entertainment I’d ever seen in my life

If you don’t believe me, here’s a YouTube of Jayson Hewitt’s performance.  Please try to make it through the whole thing. 

Youtube.

Wait. Am I cool again?

Heyooooo blog update.

I apologize to my loyal readers, as my blog posts have been in high demand and I simply have not found the time to fulfill your needs in these passing moments. Well, that's not actually true, but ever since Dan's blog made a comeback, I felt mine should too, and I have some great updates. Where to start? Let's bring it on back to the summer of 2014.

As of August 2014, I've officially finished my first year of graduate school and currently in to my second. The year capped off with a study collaboration with a group from France, and man oh man did I put some ridiculous hours in to that one. Nobody wants to hear how hard I worked over the summer, that's just part of the Ph.D., but afterwards is where the real cool life updates begin.

Come September I had pretty much burnt out on lab and desperately needed a break. I never took more than an afternoon off in about 8 months, and decided that a week away from it all would be best. However, instead of getting away from it all, I decided Salt Lake's own back yard would be fun to play and relax in, and I had my first ever "stay-cation," which consisted of hiking, napping, biking and nothing. It was absolutely fantastic. 

In hindsight, the week off from lab was exactly what I needed, but I ended up getting much more time off in the near future.

Below is just a short list of things that happened all within just over 2 months (Oct/Nov/early Dec)

I went to the University of Missouri to spend time with a really great professor who helped me kickstart one of my Masters projects.

I went to Palo Alto to hang out with Dan, Nick and Leo, watch some volleyball and ride bicycles

My parents came to visit and play in the mountains with me as well

And then I went to see my all time favorite band (The Foo Fighters) play in a semi-private venue with around ~1000 people in Seattle.

Wait. Back up. How did that last one happen? So my girlfriend's sister and brother in law waited in line for 5 hours immediately after hearing that the tickets went on sale, and both her and I went to Seattle for Thanksgiving to see them and (coincidentally), the concert. That's pretty straightforward, right? Maybe a little clarification is in order.

To the surprise of literally every single person I've ever talked to, including my mom who legitimately thought I was gay for Dan at one point (I am a little, but I digress), I am currently in a relationship. Genny, the aforementioned girl, and I have been seeing each other for ~4 months, and I have literally 0 clue as to what I'm doing.  She's really been the catalyst to all of these cool things that in my life lately, including:

Hike Mt. Timpanogos, the 2nd highest peak in Utah

Wear kick ass couples costumes

Go to Seattle for Thanksgiving to hang with her sister and brother in law (who are absolutely amazing people). 

And as of this past weekend, go back to Palo Alto/Santa Clara for the Ducks/Arizona Pac 12 game per her christmas gift to me. See Dan's recap of the trip: here

It's really been an insane few months. Being in a relationship, living an actual life outside of school and staying busy with lab and projects has been fantastic. My mind is in a better place by not entirely focusing on school, and I'm out doing cool things that I wouldn't have done by myself before.  Compared to even this summer, my life has completely turned around for the better, and I really don't think I could ask for a better person be spending it with. It's pretty neat.

Race report: My first 10k

Now that my nordic season is over, I've been allocating 100% of my training to become the best runner I can be for the Salt Lake City Half Marathon in April this year. Along the way, I decided it would be best for me to dabble in one or two shorter races in preparation for the half, and the Leprachaun Lope 10k seemed to fit my training schedule perfectly. The course description is as brutal as it sounds. The course is a simple out and back, with over 500ft elevation gain over the first 5k, then over 600 ft elevation loss over the last 5. Of course, all of this is occurring at our mile-high altitude, which does nothing to help make the race easier.

The course: a simple out and back...straight up the mountain

Although this was my first 10k (as a race), my training and knowledge of what my body is capable of let me establish a pretty simple plan; run just above threshold on the way up (HR ~195), don't worry about pace per mile, then full on bomb on the way down and try to maintain form and HR in the low 190s.

After pretending to know what I was doing for my warm up (this was my 2nd running race after all), the gun shot and I was off. There were ~400 people doing the 10k, but the real race was up front. I immediately found a rhythm and settled in at 6:45 over the first (and only) flat part of the course. A 6-foot, ridiculously lean 50-year-old guy settled right in front of me, and set the pace at EXACTLY where I wanted. We were initially in ~10th/11th place, but by mile 1 and the start of the climb, we were in 4th and 5th. We stood absolutely no shot at catching the top 2 guys, but 3rd was only about 20 meters ahead of us, and we were cruising. My heart rate was right where I wanted it (193-196 on the way up) and I felt great. We reached the top together with another guy about 5 meters behind us, and the time to fly down the hill was about to start.  However, this 50 year old guy knew exactly what he was doing, and as soon as we hit the turnaround he glanced back at me and dropped the pace down to a 5:20 per mile. Fuuuuuuuuck. I went with him initially for about 500 meters, looked at my HR and saw a 198, and realized there was no way I could keep that up. I had to let him go. The last 4.5k went by in a blur. I kept my heart rate in the low 190s just as planned, the pace in the upper 5min/mile, and my legs felt like they couldn't go any faster while also feeling in control. The one guy 5-meters behind me ended up passing me with about 2 miles to go, but there was nothing I could have done.

With about 1k to go, the 10k course intertwined with the 5k, and I was thrown in to this swarm of people running 8-9 minute pace where I was pushing 5:50s. It was a bit hectic, and with 200 meters left a guy actually started to sprint while showing incredible form to get past me by a meter. It was at that time I realized he was also doing the 10k, and he and I full on kicked for the last 150. I pulled away in the last 50 to settle for 6th overall, and (I think) win my age group*. I finished in 40:12 to set a personal 10k PR on a ridiculously hard course at altitude, and I really couldn't be happier about how good my legs are feeling right now.

Overall, this was a great experience, and one of the best results (percentage of participants wise) I've ever had.  Just 4 more weeks of training until the half.

Pacing was never based speed, but the splits are fun to look at

*I'm not sure where I actually finished in my age group. They screwed up the results at the table because a couple of shmucksies who registered for the 10k actually did the 5. I didn't stick around for the results to be cleared out since there were no prizes except top 3 overall finishers (Old guy I went up with wound up in 3rd place, in case you were wondering).

My winter sport

Is now over? Wait... What? I just started cross country skiing and you're telling me I can't anymore? Well, that sucks. Alright, it's time for a season recap.

Winter in Salt Lake City is far more harsh than in Oregon, and although it's technically feasible to ride year round, it certainly isn't recommended. All the rides/hills are either too snowy to take a bike on or the weather is too uncomfortable to be outside in, so riding essentially put to a halt. However, not all is lost, as Utah is known for having some of the best snow in the world, as the U.S. national ski team lives and trains in a city that's only 20 minutes away. On top of the short drive to the snow, virtually all of my cycling friends/lab mates/even my advisor race nordic in the off season, and (easily) convinced me that I needed to give it a shot.

I first attempted to skate ski in December, and I hated it. I mean absolutely abhorred it. I fell over 40 times the first day and showed absolutely no improvement from the first minute I was skiing till the hour after I started. I  began to question if this, or any winter sport, was right for me. Skate skiing is a combination of technique, balance and aerobic power, of which I had absolutely none of the first day I attempted to ski. I couldn't propel myself forward with my legs, so my arms did the majority of the work while I struggled the entire day and my friends went off and had fun. My legs would become ischemic and continue to burn from the consistent tense state they were in trying to maintain balance, which was causing me to use an enormous amount of energy without actually going forward. 50+ year old women would fly by me while I recovered from every 45 second burst of effort. It was a miserable experience.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I finally started to get my balance down.  I still couldn't go over 200 meters without having to take a break, and certainly not if there was a hill, but by mid January I was moving. By February I was up in the mountains 3x a week and getting noticeably better every time, and I really started to enjoy the sport. I would say that only the past two or three times I've been skiing I've felt truly comfortable with what I'm doing, and can really do what I actually want to do on my skis. I can balance effortlessly, sprint up hills and glide with confidence down them. And of course, now that I'm confident with what I'm doing, the weather warmed up here (which is unusually early for Utah). All the snow at my favorite places either melted or became un-skiable over the past two weeks, which is a real shame. My season is virtually over.

Round Valley was my favorite place to ski, located up above Park City.

I've been fortunate enough to ski in some amazing places, including Park City, Solitude Resort, and  Soldier Hollow, which is where the 2002 olympics for Nordic were held and is consistently kept in pristine olympic quality conditions. I still have the option to ski up at the higher mountain ranges, but my head is out of it. It'll be 56 and sunny here today, and by no means would I rather nordic than ride or run. The snow will last up in the resorts until late April, which lends the opportunity to go downhill skiing a few more times this year, but I'm already thinking about Nordic again for next year.

I'm in full transition to running mode now. With a 10k next week and a half marathon in a month, I'm really excited to see how I'll perform this year. After these races I'll most likely settle back in to mediocrity with cycling or maintain my running mileage and really try to compete in a few more half marathons this year. We'll see how this year turns out.

You're putting what in my where???

The life of a human subject researcher, or any researcher for that matter, is far from glamorous. Our hours are ridiculous, our pay is relatively awful, and our social lives are non existent (ok, that last point is almost certainly because of my own social ineptitude). But what human research lacks in glory, man does it make up for it in coolness. Working with humans is one of the most fascinating and difficult things to do in research. Unlike with animals, consent is mandatory and humans whine about a lot of things. People can simply just not show up to their scheduled times, complain that something is too uncomfortable, or just drop out of the study without any justification as to why. What most people don't realize is what happens before the actual study gets up and going is that human researchers need to do pilot work; that is we need to practice (mostly on each other) before we actually start. Being in a relatively invasive lab and one of the very few people that fits in to the "young healthy" category, I've recently been asked to be a pilot subject in multiple studies now, and because I'm not a smart man, I've accepted all of those requests. Below is a chronicle of what I've been through so far.

1. Femoral arterial and venous catheterizations
This study is being run by a 5th year ph.d. student in my lab, and was by far the most dangerous and uncomfortable study I've done in Utah to date. I can't list specifics of what he was doing, but the testing procedure involved me coming in and getting catheters placed in my femoral artery and vein. I was laying down so I couldn't see what was going on, and I was "numbed" up with lidocaine, but the when the actual placement of the catheter went in.... oh god did that hurt. I was talking to a co worker as the doc was going in and my voice uncontrollably cracked as I felt the catheter pop in to the vein. Pain radiated at the spot. Sharp, agonizing, transient pain. I thought I'd get some more lidocaine; everyone saw how I was doing after the first placement and we still had to go in to the artery. Without enough time to really settle back down, I felt the second "pop" in to the artery, which equally as painful. Overall this was a really bad experience. I tried to shrug off how bad it actually hurt, but I think everyone knew how bad the placement went for me. The pain really did settle down within a few minutes at the most, although I had a nice bruise the size of my palm around the insertion site for about 3 weeks. The testing itself involved knee extension with some local drugs on board, none of which I felt the effects of. It wasn't too bad, but I don't want to do this again for a while.

The two catheters were placed fairly high up, and were held in place by stitches (the blue wire in the middle)

Image taken via ultrasound of the catheter (thin strip) in the artery (surrounding black vessel). The catheter is about 8 inches long

2. Exercise to exhaustion with a spinal block
Now this was an experience. Again, I can't really say the details of why the study is being done, but this was part of a study that my crew does, and therefore what I put subjects through. I received a procedure known as a spinal tap, where an anesthesiologist administered some numbing medication, went in to my spine with an incredibly long needle (specifically the area that has the cerebrospinal fluid) and injected a drug that blocks the pain receptors in the areas beneath where it was administered. As the drug was being pushed in I felt absolutely no pain, but man did it feel weird. It felt like someone was pressing his thumb on the inside of my spine... a feeling that words obviously cannot due justice. Immediately after some measurements were made, I was asked to perform maximal exercise on a bike while receiving multiple types of electrical stimulations, which felt and looked sort of like this. The feeling of max exercise without the burn in your legs is the most surreal, indescribable feeling you can imagine... I knew my heart was pounding and I was burning out, but my legs told me I had more to give. They felt like a combination of liquid heavy metal but at the same time as light as a feather.  I got off the bike after I couldn't push any longer to put my foot down expecting it to support my weight. Nope. My legs completely gave out, but thankfully my professor was there to catch me.  I was toast although again my legs didn't feel like they worked that hard. The next day my back was a little sore from the insertion sight, but overall it was a pretty fun experience and I'd definitely do it again.

3. Muscle sympathetic nervous activity (MSNA).
This was, by far, the least invasive of the three studies so far, but still rather painful. For MSNA, two electrodes are needed; one in to the skin and one in to the popliteal nerve (somewhere around the side of the knee cap). These needles are VERY small, similar to acupuncture sticks. The skin one went in great, hardly felt a thing. The nerve one... welllll... not so great. A post doc in my lab needed to practice placing the MSNA electrode, which turns out to not be the easiest thing to do. At first it felt like a tiny shot being placed on the side of my leg, nothing really noticeable. After 30 minutes of trying to find the electrode, it began to get rather annoying. After 1 hour, it was downright uncomfortable. Like little shots of pain would jolt down my leg. My nerve was becoming more and more distraught, and I was starting to get pain all the way down in my foot. The guys never actually did get the electrode in the nerve; after an hour they usually call it and try again for another day. We're redoing the protocol this week.

Not sure what's next, but my goal is to do everything at least once so I know what all of our subjects are going through when they complete our protocols

4 weeks down of grad school, 251 to go

Instead of the individual one on one questions that I've been getting about my transition to grad school here in Utah, I decided to write a nice summary of how things are going, how I'm liking the city, and what my experience has been like so far. I'm much more comfortable now that I have 4 solid weeks here under my belt, and I think things are only going to get better.

The riding
To be quite frank, Eugene riding is better. The routes here are absolutely gorgeous, and there's nowhere in Oregon that even remotely compares to the Canyons, but there's no routes that loop up. Everything is an out-and-back, and the cycling community here is nowhere near as close and friendly as it is in Eugene.  The one common route to get out of the city (Emmigration Canyon, the SLC profile equivalent of Fox Hollow) is so sprawled with cyclists that random shmucksies consistently change their pace just to hop on my wheel. It's mostly just old guys trying to prove their worth, but I honestly don't care and it's getting rather annoying.

Commuting is worse here, too. This city and the infrastructure are designed for cars and cars only. I would say I see about 1/20th the amount of bike commuters I saw in Eugene, and the population is 5x more.

When all's said and done, the reality is that I've just been spoiled by Oregon riding. Portland is consistently ranked as one of, if not the type bike friendly city in the US. It's really not bad here, but it's just not Oregon. Oregon has nothing on these views though, as I can easily ride up to an elevation of 9,000 ft from my apartment.

The City

The city proper is unique, and I haven't really been able to explore around much to be honest. Like I said before, the city is designed for cars and cars only, so roads here are HUGE. I mean, 3 lane by 3 lane wide streets throughout the city; it's ridiculous. It actually gives you a sense that there's not much traffic because lines aren't so lengthy, when in actuality everything as a mass just moves faster. The streetlights here are ridiculously long, which means it's rare if no one runs at least one red light per light cycle... it's been really keeping me on my toes when I'm riding. By car, it's really easy to escape the city and get out for a hike or go ski (when it snows, which it hasn't yet). Last week some lab friends and I climbed a 9200 foot peak just by driving 15 minutes from home.

On the right, the University of Utah. Left is downtown SLC

A lot of people have been asking me about the Mormonism in the town, and to be honest it hasn't affected me in the slightest yet (outside of their stupid beer laws here). With my lab in at a total of 14 people, and 7 of the lab members not coming from the US, the majority of the people I spend my time with aren't Mormon, and I haven't had any religious interactions with the LDS community.

The School.

Classes suck. Technically, the program I'm in is "Exercise and Sport Science," which includes other programs such as Coaching Wellness, Nutrition, and Athletic Training. That's fine and all, and I respect what they're studying, but we still all have to take the same classes. I'm in "Research Methods" and an Exercise Physiology + lab class (both of which I haven't learned anything in yet), and they're really just holding me back. It's basic physiology, basic research methods and things I've been exposed to in my undergrad that they haven't yet, and the worst of all of this is that they still take a butt ton of time. Writing papers, making powerpoints and studying for tests are a major waste of hours that I'm pressed for these days. The majority of my learning comes from lab these days, and class just feels like it's getting in the way.

The lab

Let's make one thing clear: the lab is THE reason I'm here. I chose Utah over a few other schools, and it's never been more apparent than now that I made the right decision. My new professor is both a combination of a friend and a mentor, which makes coming to lab and wanting to do work all the more enticing. There is an IMMENSE amount of pressure to get work done here (way more than at the University of Oregon), and the great thing is that there are no limiting factors to stop us. Money? We have multiple grants and guaranteed funding for at least the next 5 years.  Subjects? We have a pool of willing patients/diseased populations that we can pull from previous studies, and if we're short on subjects we can head up to get some from the med school no problem. Personnel to help? There are a total of 7 grad students and 5 post-docs ALWAYS here, ALWAYS willing to help you out. It's the most amazing/productive research program I've ever seen.

The way the lab set up is that I'm with my professor, another grad student and a post doc (so, 4 of us in total), but within our entire lab there are a total of 3 professors and the grad students/post docs listed above. You can help with anyone on their projects, which helps get you involved in fields that you may not have been, and get your name on publications that you otherwise wouldn't have had the opportunity to be on. It's a great system, and the more you help out the more they help you out.

My first project will be starting up soon; I'll be working with patients with COPD (not the first time) to quantify their increased respiratory work and oxidative stress on locomotor fatigue. It's a nice segue way to combine a little bit of pulmonary phys (my previous background) with physiology of fatigue (my new focus). I still have a ton to learn, but I know that the group and professor I'm with will get me there.

O Heroes; what a tragic waste of money

This past spring, O heroes, the tragically misguided public service branch of the Oregon athletic department, made their annual "Courts for Kids" charity trip.  The group takes 20 student athletes (28 people total) from a variety of sports and ships them to a 3rd world country to build a concrete basketball court. Last year, the athletes went to The Domincan Republic, and this past month, the O Heroes athletes made the trip to Casa Blanca, Peru.

The players rave about the cultural experience that they've made, going and truly helping those in need. As one player put it, "it was an incredible feeling to be able to provide a safe place for the kids of Casa Blanca to play and for the community to come together,” **Brooke said."**

Now,most people (especially the athletes who went) and those reading these articles think that this was a truly wonderful charity event, a great experience and place to play for the Casa Blanca Natives, and that overall it's a truly uplifting story. However, I'm going to ask you to step back for a minute and rethink this conclusion that many have, and to look at the logistics of what this trip required and cost* for what the results actually yielded. 

*note, I have made my estimations conservatively to give OHeroes the benefit of the doubt whenever possible.

Looking at expenses of the trip, the average cost of a plane ticket to Lima, Peru from Portland, Oregon during July booked 1 year in advance is ~$1,200 USD. Assuming that UofO has some sort of deal with airlines and group prices, I'll round down and simply assume the cost of each ticket was $1,000 USD per person, and with 20 athletes and 8 supervisors, airfare alone is $28,000

2nd, room and board. In all honesty, I'm not sure where they stayed and how much it cost. I will assume each person was approximately $10 per day in both housing and food costs in a 3rd world country. (28 people * $20 * 5 nights away) = $2800 in room and board, although likely more.

3rd. Transportation. Gas is $1.40/liter (or $5.30 per gallon) in Peru, and they had to and from the airport (both to Portland and back, around Peru). Again, as an underestimation, this would cost$400-$500 depending on how they got around. Again, I'd assume it cost far more than this, but I'd like to lean towards underestimation. 

So, with the 3 biggest costs, not including the hours spent on organizing this trip by the UO administration, we're at approximately $31,500 USD just to get to Peru, and survive for a few days. This calculates to be $88,389 PERUVIAN DOLLARS SPENT TO GET THEM THERE. 

Oh god. What a travesty and waste of money to build one concrete basketball court.  As I was writing the cost, Dan linked me the video of the O Heroes trip. In the very first second of the video, you can see that O Heroes GROSS CHARITABLE GAIN LAST YEAR WAS $23,818. THIS MEANS THAT THEY LOST NO LESS THAN $8,000 based on my underestimations of just travel cost from their entire year. Keep in mind, O Heroes spends a lot more money on other things aside from this trip throughout the year.

Ok, now I'll ask you to realize what you can do with that money if you donated it directly to the people of Casa Blanca, Peru. According to this article, the "Cost of living to build a house: The total cost, which includes interior finishing, doors, windows, and bathroom, works out to approximately $100 per square metre -- a bargain, even in Peru, where the shortage of affordable housing is estimated to be at least a million units [....] a family can get a 55sq m home for $5,000 USD and live comfortably."  So instead of building a home for 6 families (~24 people) to live comfortably, they built a flat slab of concrete for the 3rd world people to play basketball on.

At least Peruvians like basketball though... right? Wait. No. They don't. Of Peru's top 8 most popular sports, Basketball is not listed. Peru has never had a professional player in the NBA, (2nd source). and is listed as the 9th shortest country in the world for males and 7th shortest country in the world for females. So... why did the UofO decide to build a basketball court? Wouldn't a soccer field, or an area for taewkwando matts have been a better use of resources and funds? I honestly have no explanation on why they chose basketball... maybe because it's the easiest? I'm not sure.

But Ty, What about the players? What about the cultural experiences they gained? Well, if the point of this trip is to benefit the players the most, then that's a completely selfish reason to be "charitable." In fact, that's not charity at all, that's just spending money on an experience. And yes, they did create a basketball court that otherwise wouldn't have existed, there's no argument against that. HOWEVER, if you were to hire and pay for 28 local Peruvians to do manual labor there, not only would you be putting in to their economy directly, you'd also be saving O Heroes a substantial amount of money to yield the same result 

(28 laborers* $4usd/hour (10 peruvian dollars/hour) * 10 hours of work per day * 3 days)  = $3,360 TO BUILD THE EXACT SAME COURT. The cost of raw materials is the same regardless, so I did not include that in the calculation. If you did that, you could build the same court and no less than 5 quality homes for families.

So, through the expense of no less than $31,500 USD (although they could have saved ~$28,000 USD to yield the same results), The kids now have a concrete slab to play on, and the athletes have a valuable experience in manual labor. 

Boston!

Experimental Biology is easily the largest physiology conference in the U.S., and second largest in the world. Historically, select members of our lab have made the trip out every year, and this year would be no exception. Five of us (myself, the professor, post doc and 2 Ph.D. students) had the honor of attending the conference in the peaceful and tranquil city of Boston, MA this past week. 

The crew left Eugene on Friday, April 19^th for an early departure for the conference. If you were oblivious of any news or current events going on at the time, you would have thought it was the smoothest, easiest flight out East you could imagine. We made our on time flight to Seattle with a quick layover, then boarded a brand new airplane directly to Boston, hopped on the T (the public subway) to our place and walked down to our condo where we crashed after a few beers. The turmoil behind the scenes was anything less than ideal, however most things including public transit were opened back up about 45 minutes before we arrived in the city. Dodged a bullet there.

Saturday came and went in a blur. The day was spent lackadaisically adjusting to the time difference, sight seeing and starting off the conference. We hit up some national monuments in the town:

Sunday through Tuesday were spent in relatively identical fashion: we were at the conference around 8:00am, listened to talks until noon, attended posters between 12:30 and 3, attended more talks until 5:30pm, followed by dinner with some friends and beers/drinks after. Man, there was some REALLY cool stuff at this conference, and unfortunately I understood probably 20% of the things that were presented.  I thought I knew pulmonary physiology, turns out I don’t. The main thing I learned from this conference is how much I don’t actually know, which I think is really cool. Of course, there were my favorites and least favorites; below are the best in each category.

Coolest talk: Using stem cell osmolarity to regenerate limbs, Tufts University.

They’re doing this. Seriously. Researchers are growing back amputated limbs in mice. If this science existed in the world decades ago, maybe Oscar Pistorious wouldn’t be in the trouble that he’s in now. Of course, this isn’t remotely near the stage of development in which they can apply it to humans, but the seems promising. What the researchers did was essentially create this metabolic goop that simulated an osmolarity so that stem cells would traverse to damaged tissue. In lamens terms, this means they attracted stem cells to damaged areas so that they could get their regeneration on (much like a newt would do). The talk was enthralling, a cool concept, and I wish nothing best to this lab and their project.

Top 3 coolest posters:

3. Harvard: Using lasers to destroy developed vasculature in tumors.
Stupid Harvard. They used lasers to cut blood supply in tumors so that it would stop growing. If that’s not doesn’t sound like scientific fiction, I don’t know what does.

2. UBC: Measuring metabolics, heart rate and blood gasses in Bull Headed Geese while flying in a hypoxic wind tunnel.

Oh man oh man oh man, this story and research is nothing short of amazing. Jessica Meir raised geese to be imprinted on her, trained them to wear metabolic masks throughout their life, put them in a wind tunnel, simulated altitude (these geese are able to fly over Everest) and recorded all this data WHILE THE BIRDS WERE FLYING! This is the first time it’s ever been done in any flying bird, and it’s absolutely amazing. I wish I could link a video, it was so crazy to see these birds flying 40 kph while researchers are standing right in front of them. The geese have some of (if not the most) efficient lungs on the planet, and comparatively we can learn a lot about what makes them so efficient. Because of this research, Jessica landed a job as a professor at Harvard.

1. UCLA: Use of electricity to stimulate VOLUNTARY contractions in rats who have had spinal cord injuries (SCI).

This was (in my opinion) not only the coolest poster at EB this year, but also has some of the biggest implications and contributions to a clinical population in the world. Researchers were able to place an electrode in the spinal cord of a rat and get voluntary movement back to the lower limbs. Not just spasms or twitches, but control. They can also leave these electrodes in for months, if not years in humans, which is in the currently in the clinical stages of development. Words cannot express how complicated and innovative this is, and if they get this to work I don’t know why this couldn’t win a Nobel Prize in physiology.

With the good science came the bad: here are the 3 stupidest posters in the conference that I saw at EB 2013 (which, mind you, were in the same room as the posters above).

3. Some University in Japan. Hypoxia did not reduce cognitive function/reaction time in humans.

Oh sweet, my field of science. Let’s see what they did here… reduced oxygen to 18% (room air is 21%) and also 15% (simulated percentage of an airplane cabin is 16%). Well, that’s not very low oxygen… they must have done this for hours… right? No, just for 10-20 minutes. Seriously. What? Who the hell is hypoxic for 10-20 minutes? No one? Ok. Of course reaction time wasn’t affected, they probably didn’t even increase ventilation. That was stupid. We did this study in Bolivia for weeks at an altitude of 17,000 feet over the course of weeks…  Not at the simulated altitude of lower than Denver, CO.

2.  Texas A&M University. Caffeine increases performance in a wingate test (essentially a 90 second sprint).

How did that make it to this conference? We know caffeine increases performance. We know the mechanisms that it does. What on earth are you contributing here?

1. University of Connecticut: high protein high sodium diet post exercise effect on net hydration in endurance athletes.
So it turns out what they did was literally give a slice or two of beef jerky to runners after their workout to see if it effected hydration. Beef Jerky. I’m sure this study cost a total of $40 to perform, and it contributes absolutely nothing to the physiology section. This should have taken it to the Nutrition section, or to a different conference entirely (ACSM). Undergrads in the exercise physiology class at the UofO could have done this study in 3 weeks. It was so basic, so simple and so meaningless that I felt it was the worst thing that I read this trip.

Favorite random poster:

Winks!

Outside of the conference, we did some more sight seeing, some more eating and a lot more drinking. Below are the remaining random pics from the trip.

Ummm

Really, EB was just one large science fair

Our menues were ipads

Drunken adventures. That didn't turn out so well

The answer to the great question. It has 3 a's!!

Award for the worst figure/graph at EB goes to...

Harvards campus... meh

MITs campus... holy jesus it's insane

Turns out if you ever tell a flight attendant that it's your birthday, they give you free drinks without checking for verification

Boston!

Graduate School Update

Choosing where I end up going to graduate school is easily the biggest decision of my life to date. Sure, I've made some decisions with big consequences; like attending UofO and taking full time 2 year job in research, but these decisions have all been stepping stones into where I ultimately want to end up: with a research lab of my own at an established University. Graduate school not only determines where and who I will be with for the next 5 years, but the speciality in which I decide to study sets a precedent to what I will be researching for the rest of my life. I've been working in pulmonary physiology for 5 years now (which I absolutely love), but it's time to learn more. I'm young, I've been out of school since 2011 and I'm 22 years old; by no means am I locked in to studying pulmonary phys. 

With the knowledge that I could change focuses on a dime, I applied to 6 unique programs for graduate school this past October (well before their January deadline). I've been anxiously awaiting the reply since application, and as of today I have officially heard back from all but one. Below are the schools to which I applied and the status of each.

Rejected From

The University of Florida 

Program to which I applied: Interdisciplinary Program in Biomedical Sciences

PI intending to work for: Dr. Michelle Gumz, Renal and Sleep Physiology

Expecting to be: Accepted

Actual Status: Rejected (1/24/13)

Reason for rejection: Oh, this turns out to be a good story. Dr. Gumz and I stayed in very close contact via email prior to my application decision, which not only increased the possibility of ultimately ending up in her lab, but also made me excited about her research. I read her papers...which I understood very little about... but it was something I could see myself learning. Of the 6 schools I applied to, this was a top 3 choice. Of course, my Aunt (Dr. Cooper-Dehoff) is a professor (and kick ass researcher) of Pharmacology at the UF, and she as well Dr. Gumz were both very encouraging about my application and the opportunity to be there. So, to my surprise, not only was I rejected from the program, but I wasn't even invited out to interview. A quick slap to the face, and that was that. Let it be known that admissions committee rejected me, not the PI that I wanted to work for. I told Dr. Gumz of my rejection, to which she responded that she was shocked to hear that, and went to the dean of education/admissions to talk about my application and why I was rejected, to which he responded that there were three reasons. 

1) GPA (mine was a 3.3 in undergrad, a mediocrely competitive number for graduate school).

2) I never took a biochem class (which is true, but I did get a minor in chemistry. It's not too hard to take a class while being a graduate student either). 

And 3) "That I had professional experience in a lab." Apparently, the program hired a former tech on as a grad student, and he's been sort of a flop in the program. So, they're generalizing to everyone that has professional experience. You read that correctly: I was rejected because I have experience in a lab. 

This is, quite possibly, the stupidest thing I have ever heard regarding graduate school. The main reason I took my job as a technician was to beef up my CV prior to applying to graduate school. I have my now have my name on 4 abstracts and 4 papers in preparation, I've budgeted a 1.3 million dollar grant, I've dealt with the IRB dozens of times, I've dabbed in/ran my own biochemical analysis project, I've presented at seminars in front of the entire department... and the UF admissions committee saw all of this as a bad thing. Unlike most undergrads who apply to grad school, I know this is what I want to do solely because I have experience. I know what a good grad student looks like, and what an unsuccessful students look like as well. This isn't me delaying working in the real world, this is me taking a step to accomplish my goals. And again, UF saw that experience and that knowledge of what I want to do, and saw it as the opposite of its intended purpose because their history with technicians has been poor. As researchers, shouldn't they know that you can't run statistics on an n of 1? The sample size isn't large enough.

UF has a very well respected, well funded program, but this in all honesty is the stupidest reason ever. Reject me for my GPA... reject me for my lack of Biochem, but do not say it's because I have too much experience. (I'm still a little sore on the subject, my rant is over now).

Dartmouth College

Program to which I applied: Experimental and Molecular Medicine

PI intending to work for: Dr. Robert Darnall, researching SIDS in the pig model

Expecting to be: Rejected

Actual Status: Rejected (1/31/13)

Reason for rejection: I was expecting this. The program doesn't have much overlap than the one I'm coming from, and the competition is stiff. I had very little email exchange with faculty there, and applied on a whim. Rejected without an interview, but in all honesty I saw this coming.

Accepted To

The University of Texas, Austin

Program to which I applied: Kinesiology

PI intending to work for: Dr. Matthew Brothers, cardiovascular and cerebrovascular physiology

Expecting to be: Accepted

Actual Status: Accepted (1/28/13)

Reason to go there: Well, I'm not going here. I've been accepted to schools that I've ranked higher on my list (see below). UT is competitive for not only Research Assistantships, but also Graduate Teaching Assistantships as well. So not only would I be competing against my fellow graduate students for funds that I'm not guaranteed to get, but I may actually be paying to attend graduate school, and there is no chance in hell that I'm going to do that. I will be sending in my intention to decline acceptance within the next 2 weeks.

The University of Utah

Program to which I applied: Bioengineering

PI intending to work for: Dr. Markus Amann, Central Nervous System Fatigue

Expecting to be: Accepted

Actual Status: Accepted (officially 2/20/13)

Reason to go there: Dr. Amann is the only PI that I applied to that I also knew personally. He borrowed my car for 2 weeks while the Bolivia Crew was here, and he's great guy.  He studies something that is different than I'm used to, and I would only have to focus on research and not teaching. I've heard that Salt Lake City isn't too bad of a place to be, and it's not all the way across the country either. After speaking with a graduate student in the program, it sounds like the University itself isn't the best, however the lab isn't actually on campus (and I wouldn't need to really associate with the school).  This lab also has money. A lot of money. Funding to get me through 5 years of research without a problem, and very few labs can do that. Right now, there's a strong chance that I could end up at Utah, and I'm working to schedule a visiting date. Utah is currently a top choice.

Still waiting to hear back from

Pennsylvania State University

Program to which I applied: Kinesiology

PI intending to work for: Dr. David Proctor, cardiovascular & exercise physiology

Expecting to be: 50% chance accepted, 50% rejected

Actual Status:  Finished interviewing in person, waiting on word from PI. 

Reason to go there: Both Dr's. Minson and Halliwill here at the UofO are who I consider to be great professors and mentors. They're both very well respected in their fields, and do some pretty cool stuff. Early in my search of programs, they both advised me to look at Dr. David Proctor's program; who they both have held in very high regard. We've stayed in close contact via phone and email since December, and he seems like a pretty cool guy. I listed this school was my #1 favorite choice since the beginning of the application process for a number of reasons, but principally because of the history of researchers this program has produced. Penn State has the #1 ranked Kinesiology program in the nation, and an excellent history of funding. The combination of funding with a professor who I've heard nothing but positive things about, AND research I find interesting all adds up to a perfect concoction for a school that I would love to attend. However, after visiting, it seems as if the professor has been in a bit of a rough patch funding wise for the past 2 years... and if this continues it will make both research as well as graduate school in general difficult to complete. However, with Dr. Proctor's name being so well respected in his field, I am confident that he will be able to get funding in the near future.

Brown University

Program to which I applied: Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology

PI intending to work for: Dr. Chi-Ming Hai, upper airway restriction at the molecular level

Expecting to be: 50% chance accepted, 50% rejected

Actual Status: Still waiting to hear back

Reason to (possibly?) go there: Brown had one of the earliest application deadlines (January 7th) for the program, and I was told I would hear back about the decision 2-3 weeks from (now) over 3 weeks ago... but no word as of yet. I'm not sure about how well I'd fit in to molecular physio, so even if I get accepted (which is a 50/50 I'd say), there's still no guarantee I'd go there. It's a top 3 choice alongside Penn St and Utah, but slim chances I actually end up there. 

This is where I stand and my thoughts on all 6 schools. My next plan is to visit Utah and hopefully hear back from Brown, and make a decision soon after. I will keep you updated. Currently as I see it, Utah's dept. of Bioengineering and Penn State's dept. of Kinesiology are the 2 most likely schools I may end up at.